


Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions

by mcustancm



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (cant believe thats a tag), AU, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attempt at Humor, Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), Birthday, Confused Tony Stark, Funny, Happy Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Random & Short, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, interesting facts are part of this my mind is using big brain power, ned and mj making fun of peter is cannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcustancm/pseuds/mcustancm
Summary: Everyone morning on someone’s sixteenth birthday, they get the first sentence their soulmate will say to them written on their arm. This morning it was Peter Parker’s turn. He gets something totally stupid. Chaos happens.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker
Comments: 8
Kudos: 406





	Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm here with my first soulmates AU. I used to hate soulmate AUs but then I was like "I could do humor instead of romance" so here we are.

Everyone morning on someone’s sixteenth birthday, they get the first sentence their soulmate will say to them written on their arm. This morning it was Peter Parker’s turn. Now with Peter’s “Parker luck” he expected something incredibly stupid or maybe even nothing at all. But what he got was way worse than he ever imagined.

He woke up, took a few moments to realize it was actually his birthday. Then a few more to realize he was sixteen. His eyes widened with fear and excitement as he looked down at his arm “Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions “ it read.

“You gotta be shitting me.” He said groaning and laying back on his pillow.

“What does it say?” May super excitedly said as Peter came out of his room. 

“Happy birthday Peter!” He mocks with a smile. 

“Yeah yeah. What does it say?”

Peter smiled softly “it’s really stupid.”

“Peter Parker I’ve raised you since you were three. We’ve been talking about this day for years. Now spill!”

“Fine! Fine!” He laughed as he repeated his words. “Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions. That’s literally what it says.”

“You’re kidding.” He slumped over the table “that’s what it says?”

“Yup.” He said, “Parker luck I guess.” He said taking a banana “at least it’s not something gushy” 

“Mine was gushy” she acts offensively.

“Yours was-“

“Oh may! I love your dress. Would you like to dance?” May said looking at her arm even though she’s memorized it.

“Exactly.” He nods. “I gotta get to school. Bye May I love you.”

“Love you too lobster.” She jokes.

“No!” He calls back as he shuts the apartment door. May snickers to herself as she puts away the clean dishes. 

At school, it was the same thing. Ned asked first. “C’mon Peter! Tell me!” He begged the birthday boy.

“No, it’s more embarrassing than yours.” He says. 

“Mine? Mine isn’t embarrassing.” He defends looking back down at his arm.

“Yes, it is.” He said laughing. Ned rolls his eyes. “Please tell me!”

“Fine but don’t laugh!”

“No promises,” he said jittery with excitement for peter.

“Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.” He said, expressing nothing.

“Wait- seriously?” He said laughing. Peter huffed and put his books away in his locker.

“Hey nerd what’s it say?” MJ comes up and asks. 

“It says lobsters are mermaids to scorpions,” Ned says, still laughing. MJ laughs too. “That’s Ridiculous.” She said and opened her locker next to Peters. 

“I know so let’s just not talk about it?” He offers. They both shake their heads.

“Fine but let this be known Michelle when you get your words next week I’m gonna- actually you’re scary so maybe not.” He said cringing slightly at the fact he was about to threaten MJ. 

“Exactly. Well, I’ll see you, dorks, at lunch” MJ said walking away.

“It’s really ‘lobsters are mermaids to scorpions’?” Ned asks. Peter slams his locker “end of the topic.” He said walking off to his own class.

“Bye!” Ned said childishly and waved his hand like an idiot. 

  
  


_ This is so stupid _ Harley Keener said looking at his arm. He’s been 16 for two months now and he still thinks his sentence ridiculous. His sentence read, “The real name of the Monopoly mascot, Uncle Pennybags, is Milburn Pennybags”. It honestly has to be a joke. That's until Tony Stark told him he was meeting his other kid genius, Peter. Tony asked to find some random ass fact to tell him. He thought it would be funny to use lobsters are mermaids to scorpions. It wasn’t really a fact persae but Tony said it would make the other boy laugh. So, lobsters are mermaids to scorpions, it was. 

Peter thought it was a little strange when Tony sent him a text to come up with a random fact and to meet him in the lab next Friday afternoon. Peter opened his barely working laptop and googled “Useless facts to impress your boss,” and he settled on “the real name of the Monopoly mascot, Uncle Pennybags, is Milburn Pennybags.” It was stupid but factual. 

The next Friday morning, Ned and MJ were still laughing about Peter’s sentence. He rolled his eyes and laughed with them, knowing he wasn’t going to get them to stop. At lunch, in the halls, between class. But Peter had to admit, his sentence was kinda growing on him. Who would just randomly say something so weird about lobsters and scorpions?

Harley, still extremely annoyed and confused by his sentence, walked into the lab that faithful Friday afternoon to see Tony working with who he assumed to be the “genius kid” he’d mentioned before. 

“Oh good! You’re here. Okay, no one speaks. Peter, you may share your fact first.” Tony said, a little too excited. 

He nodded and opened a clip of paper from his shirt pocket “The real name of the Monopoly mascot, Uncle Pennybags, is Milburn Pennybags.” He nods again, giggling a bit. Harley stood there shocked but Tony was telling him that it was his turn. So he cleared his throat and took out his phone and opened notes.    
“Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.” He nods, shutting off the iPhone. “You’re my soulmate,” Harley said.

“No shit!” Peter said ecstatically. “I have had this bullshit on my arms for two weeks trying to find out who would say that.” He laughed going over to hug his soulmate. Harley hugged back laughing “Why the moneybags one?”

“Why the mermaid one!” Peter laughed and hugged him once more. 

“What on heavens fuck did I just witness?” Tony asks. Peter and Harley erupted into laughter at the sound of Tony’s confusion. 

“We’re soulmates!” Harley laughed out loud while taking his soulmate's hand in his. 

“You two didn’t know each other until just now?” Tony checks. Because he knew he didn’t introduce the two love birds. 

“Just met now.” Peter nods swinging their hands back and forth. “Finally Ned and MJ will stop teasing me about my sentence.” He laughs. Harley tilts his head and looks down at the smaller boy. “Who's that?”

“Oh, my best friends. You’ll like them. I think? I actually have no clue” He said giggling. “We just met!”

“We just met!” Harley said. 

“I’m- Y’know you two got this getting to know each other thing down. I'm going to explain to Pepper what I accidentally just did.” Tony Stark said leaving the lab.

“What a weird little man that mechanic is.” Harley nods smiling.    
“What did you call him?” Peter laughs, unable to stop smiling and laughing around Harley. “Oh! The mechanic. It’s a long story.” He said remember that fateful time in 2013. “Speaking of long stories, and I’m sure it is, how do you know Tony?”

“That's a first date question,” Peter said, winking. “Ask me on a date first.”

“Alright then, would you like to go on a date with me Peter… uh..”

“Parker, Peter Parker. And yes I would love to go on a date with you Harley Keener.” He said, smiling so incredibly brightly. 

“Hey, I didn’t get to tell you my last name.” Harley pouted slightly. 

“Your full name is on your phone case.” Peter scoffed. Harley rolled his eyes “Fair.”

“So, what about that date?” Peter asks, taking Harley’s hand and running out of the lab together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments appreciated <3
> 
> tumblr: basically-harley-keener  
> insta: sam.edxts._ & samantha_sydneyy
> 
> parkner pals! discord 
> 
> https://discord.gg/WSZfaaX


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